October 2021 – Red Branch Chronicles

The Champion’s Portion 7

Chapter 7

Ailil reeled back against the wall and clapped a hand to his forehead as soon as the three heroes had left. ‘I can’t stand this,’ he complained, going over to where Medb was sitting, playing with a small squirrel. ‘No matter what I do or say, I am wrong and it seems foolish to court the anger of men such as these. It’s a poisoned cup Conor has offered me, I can tell you that much.’

‘Coward’! Medb laughed. ‘Look, if you can’t decide, I’ll do it for you, for nothing would appear simpler. And what’s more, it will get those three oafs out of our hair and you will manage to keep your name as an impartial judge too.’

‘No matter what you do, Medb,’ Ailil said, ‘misfortune will follow upon any decision.’

‘Leave it to me,’ Medb smiled, ‘for it is obvious that Laoghaire is as different to Conall as bronze is to argent and Conall and Cú Chulainn are as different as argent is to gold.’

Laoghaire was both surprised and flattered when a messenger summoned him to a private meeting with Ailil and Medb. ‘Welcome, Laoghaire the Triumphant,’ Medb called out, advancing down the aisle towards him, her arms held out in greeting. Taking him by the arm she led him to a recess off the main hall and offered him rich wines.

‘It is our decision that you alone deserve the Champion’s portion, brave Laoghaire. Not only that, we feel you should be set above all the other heroes of Eamhain Macha, and to seal our approval, here is a cup fashioned for a champion.’

Medb gestured impatiently with her hand and a serving girl appeared, bearing a carved drinking horn capped and mounted in polished bronze, an exotic bird outlined in argent twining round from the base to the lip.

‘Keep this, Laoghaire, away from envious eyes until you have come to Conor and the Craobh Ruadh. When the Champion’s portion is brought out, you then produce your cup as token of your position before all the nobles of the Craobh Ruadh.’

Medb gestured again and the girl filled the horn to the brim with the dark, rich wine.

Laoghaire drank it back in one draught, well pleased with himself and the token of his supremacy.

‘Now,’ Medb continued, ‘you have the look of a champion. Go now and revel in that position as the champion of the Ulaidh.’

As soon as Laoghaire had left, Medb arranged a similar performance for Conall but this time, the drinking horn was trimmed with argent itself while the bird encircling the vessel was chased in gold. Delighted with the way her plan was working out, Medb summoned Cú Chulainn but her messenger was insulted and kicked away by Cú Chulainn who claimed he had no time for that kind of nonsense.

Infuriated by this behaviour, Medb decided she herself would go to entreat her uncouth guest. Slipping her long, slender white arms around his neck she murmured the promise of what she could offer.

‘You can tell your lies and show your arse to someone else for all I care,’ Cú Chulainn growled, twisting loose from her grasp.

‘Most comely of all champions, it is no lie I tell you when you are the subject. Were the world’s heroes to approach us, we would only choose you for the Champion’s portion for you surpass all in fame, bravery and valour so that the men of the Ulaidh recognise in you a champion of distinction, youth and glory.’

Unable to resist Medb’s seductive charms, Cú Chulainn allowed himself to be led away to where Medb presented him with a drinking horn capped and mounted in red gold with the outline of the bird mosaicked in precious stones. Filling the horn with the dark rich wine, Medb handed him alone a knob, as big as his two eyes, of deep red dragon-stone, saying,

‘Now know that you alone deserve the feast of a champion and not only that, I truly believe that just as it is impossible to compare you with the rank and file of the Ulaidh, so it is impossible to compare the lady Emer with the women of other men. There is no doubt that she should always enter the hall before any other woman should approach.’

Cú Chulainn laughed and, with one gulp, drained the drinking horn, turned on his heel and left.

Songlines

Despite listening to my music over the last couple of decades, I can honestly put my hand on my heart and claim I do not know the words of any song in their entirety – not even my national anthem! What follows below is a jumbled collection, in no particular order, of lines from a variety of song, singers and bands that pop into my head now and then and which I am prone to bellow raucously as I drive down the freeway. Even better when I can manoeuvre a conversation around so that I can then mutter an appropriate line or two.

Someone might comment on a sunset and I could chip in with Dylan’s line – ‘Look at that sun / sinking like a ship’. I remember back in my old student days, a lawyer friend and I would, in an attempt to entice female company(!) exchange roles in a pre-scripted dialogue (originally, I think, between Gladstone and Disraeli two British Prime Ministers.) as in

“You sirrah, will die of the pox or upon the gallows”

“That would depend, sir, if I were to embrace your mistress or your principles’.

Don’t know what all these random spurts of memory say about me. What if … these random selections mean something in the context of my life?

Anyway, welcome to my music. I know the bare words are only half the music but the technology of ‘lifting’ a few lines from my music and then pasting or uploading or whatever still eludes me, I’m afraid. A learning curve to which I can look forward?

Apologies to Bruce Chatwin, whose novel (?) Songlines refers to the connection between the dreaming tracks across the land and sky of Australia, where the ancestral spirits created the land’s features and lore during the Dreaming, and Aboriginal songs of wandering ‘creator-beings’.

1. I like the smile in your fingertips / I like the way you move your hips

2. Lord of Mercy, I think its the cops / And Amelie drops everything she gots / down into the street below.

3. Just do the steps that you’ve been shown / by everyone you’ve ever known / until the dance becomes your very own

4. You smiled at me like I was young / it took my breath away

5. I need something strong to distract my mind / I’m going to stare at you until my eyes go blind.

6. I was raised in the country / been working in the town / I’ve been in trouble ever since I put my suitcase down

7. Two worlds and in between / Love lost, fire at will / Dum-dum bullets and shoot to kill

8. I’ve got money in my pocket and I’ve time to kill

9. Look at that sun – sinking like a ship

10. Put your make up on and fix your hair up pretty / Meet me tonight in Atlantic City.

11. House boy knows that he is doing allright / Shoulda hear him just around midnight

12. One thing I did wrong / Stayed in Mississippi a day too long

13. Like a river that don’t know where it’s flowing/ I took a wrong turn and just kept going.

14. Mister I ain’t a boy/ No, I’m a man and I believe in the promised land

15. The Johnny Walker wisdom running high / she’s rubbing up the world against her thigh … /

16. Ran into a chum with a bottle of rum / and we ended up drinking all night

17. Oh, we can be heroes / just for one day

18. I went home with a waitress, like I always do / How was I to know she was with the Russians too? Send lawyers, guns and money / the shit has hit the fan.

19. You don’t need a lawyer / I’m not making a claim / You don’t need to surrender / I’m not taking aim

20. I see you standing there / doing nothin’/ Go on an’ do the work’

21. What kind of fuckery is this?

22. I got up this morning / and had myself a beer

23. And a pair of brown eyes were looking at me.

24.Sprung from cages on Highway 9

25. We only said goodbye in words …

26. I was fighting with temptation / but I didn’t want to win /a man like me / don’t like to see temptation caving in.

27. Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes / I’m afraid it’s time for goodbye again.

28. These changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes / Nothing remains quite the same.

29. Yankee sailors dressed up nice, take the sub up / so they can get on down / to that jukebox in Siberia / If you are CIA or KGB / They might let you in for free

30. I know you’re right, you always are / you’re right about the blues / your lips on mine you’d never choose

31. We live and we die, we know not why / But I’ll be with you when the deal goes down.

32. I put my hand upon the lever / to make it rock and roll

33. I don’t need any guide / I already know the way

34. It looks like freedom but it feels like death / it’s something in between, I guess / And I lift my glass to the awful truth / which you can’t reveal to the innocent youth /‘cept to say it isn’t worth a damn

35. I’ve got the pork chop, she’s got the pie / She ain’t no angel and neither am I

36. Sad to say, I must be on my way / so buy me beer and whiskey / ‘cause I’m going far away

37. Even though she sleeps upon your satin / even though she wakes you with a kiss / do not say the moment was imagined / do not stoop to strategies like this

38. Everybody’s going and I want to go too / Don’t want to take a chance with somebody new

39. Why do you have to be so undemanding? / I need more / and I need all the love that I can get

40. ‘Cos I’m an anyway the wind blows rider / with a grin like a river getting wider

41. it’s just another tequila sunrise

42. Let nothing come between / a simple man, simple dreams

43. I turned my back on the devil / turned my back on the angel too

They ought to give my heart a medal / for lettin’ go of you

44 Why try to change me now?

The Champion’s Portion 6

Chapter Six

That first night, the three heroes were invited to partake of a fine feast but they had to remain alone in the closed partition. As soon as the food and drink were laid out and the slaves withdrew, a monstrous cave cat from the Sídhe mountains suddenly appeared, its malevolent yellow eyes and teeth gleaming wickedly in the fire and candlelight.

With a bound, both Conall and Laoghaire leapt from their benches to the rafters overhead, abandoning both weapons, food and drink in their haste to avoid the furious attack of the great beast.

Cú Chulainn remained calmly seated at the bench and when the beast stalked nearer, preparing to pounce, Cú Chulainn swiftly drew his sword and slashed at the snarling cat. The iron blade clashed harshly as if he had struck stone and the keen blade slid off the beast’s shoulders.

The cat remained transfixed in a baleful crouch but evinced no further movement. Cú Chulainn remained seated and watchful but availed himself to the full of the prepared food and drink.

As sunrise penetrated gaps in the shingled roof overhead, the monstrous beast bestirred itself and vanished as abruptly as it had first appeared just as Ailil swept into the room before Laoghaire and Conall could descent from the rafters where they had spent an uncomfortable and hungry night.

‘Well then?’ inquired Ailil, ‘does that not suffice? Surely you have your champion here?’

‘Not so,’ insisted Laoghaire. ‘Indeed,’ added Conall, ‘it is not against beasts that we are competing but in the strife of combat and battle that we seek a judgement.’

On the second night, Ailil directed them to the valley of Ercol where they had to fight the black spirits of the Tuatha Dé Danann which guarded it. Laoghaire went first but could not withstand their assault and fled, leaving his weapons and his chariot there. Conall was served a similar fate and was driven back, barely managing to hold on to his spear.

At the sight of Cú Chulainn, the dread shapes screamed and hissed as they attacked him, hacking at his shield and cloak until both were dented and rent, and his spear blunted. The black shapes swarmed around him, thrusting and slashing and Laeg braced himself before screaming out, ‘Cú Chulainn, is that the best you can do, you pathetic little bollix, if you let a few empty cloaks get the better of you.’

Spurred on by his servant’s words, Cú Chulainn felt the blood course more violently through his veins, pumping him up so that the hair on his head sparkled with energy and light. He bounded forward with renewed valour at the spirits and slashed and stabbed and thrust and stamped forward until he was alone in a pool of black blood but with the trapping of his friends.

On the third night, Ercol, lord of the valley, challenged each of them to single combat on horseback. Laoghaire was first to be unseated and Ercol’s horse killed his mount and he fled from the valley back to Crúachan as soon as the beating he received allowed.

Conall also was forced to retire and his horse killed too.

The Grey of Macha killed Ercol’s horse with its mighty iron shod hooves and Cú Chulainn defeated Ercol and bound him by the neck to the back of his horse and set out for Crúachan.

‘Well,’ said Ailil, knowing full well that whatever he decided, nothing would please all three men in front of him. ‘That’s clear, then, isn’t it? I mean, from what you told me and from what I can see, I award the Champion Portion to Cú Chulainn.’

‘Hold on there just a moment,’ insisted Laoghaire. ‘We’re not here to fight against wild beasts or the folk of the Tuatha Dé Danann or the Sídhe for it is well known that Cú Chulainn has connections with that lot.’

‘He’s right,’ rumbled Conall, ‘The Champion’s Portion is about battle valour and we haven’t seen hide nor hair of that yet.’